


I'll Fall, But I'll Heal, So Hold Me Tight

by vellaky



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 23:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14556411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vellaky/pseuds/vellaky
Summary: Tracy questions her sister about her sprained wrist.





	I'll Fall, But I'll Heal, So Hold Me Tight

**Author's Note:**

> Set on the same night after Vanessa makes the phone call to the police on the April 10th episode.
> 
> Thanks to @thegirl20 for British-ing up the fic.

Tracy’s home from choir practise and they’re on the couch watching something mindless on the telly making idle chit chat; Vanessa to help Tracy get her mind off of Phil and the results of the court case, and - not that she would know it - Tracy to help Vanessa get her mind off Charity and well… 

 

She did the right thing. She knows she did. Charity wasn’t brave enough to make the phone call, so Vanessa did it for her. She maybe shouldn’t have done it without Charity knowing about it, but she knows that the other woman would have talked her out of it; ‘It doesn’t matter.’ ‘They didn’t believe me then, they won’t believe me now.’ Charity has never had anyone in her corner, not really. But Vanessa is. And Charity  _ deserves  _ that. Charity  _ deserves _ to see that man pay for what he did to her, and he deserves _ everything _ he has coming to him. And it will happen, of that she has no doubt.

 

She’s not thinking when she reaches out with her right hand to pick up her cuppa and realises too late what she’s done before she can retract.

 

“What’ve you done to yourself, lady?” she hears her sister ask.

 

Vanessa was able to put on a brave face while her sister was there before she left, but her wrist had been  _ throbbing _ and it hurt far more than she was willing to admit to Charity who had already looked  _ so _ guilty and  _ so _ full of regret that it had happened. Vanessa knew it would draw attention to her, but she couldn’t leave it unstrapped any longer. Once Tracy left for practice, she’d rushed to find the first aid kit to locate a bandage and wrap it. It’s still throbbing, but at least it’s only a dull throbbing now that it’s constricted. 

 

And she can’t pull back, and she can’t say ‘ _ nothing’ _ , because it very clearly looks like  _ something.  _ So she tells Tracy the only thing that’s as close to the truth as she can get without spilling everything else surrounding it. “What, this?” She raises her hand. “S’nothing. Lost my balance, that’s all. Getting a bit unsteady in my old age.” She smiles, hoping Tracy will tease her about her age and forget about her arm.

 

And Tracy looks at her curiously. “Lost your balance? Been drinking, had you?”

 

“Nah, fell over the couch,” Vanessa comes back quickly. “Had my mind on something else… someone else… and just nicked the corner and fell.”

 

Tracy is frowning now. “‘Ness, I know we didn’t grow up together, so I don’t know  _ all _ your tells, but I  _ do _ know that when someone lies, their eyes shift to the left.” She picks up the remote for the telly and makes a show of switching it off.  She sits back and folds her arms. “So, now tell me the real story.”

 

Vaness rolls her eyes. “You only know that because of that ridiculous psychopath book you’ve been reading.”  Tracy’s always coming out with ‘facts’ about psychos and serial killers since she started the damn thing. “Which is about catching  _ psychopaths _ in the act of lying. Not your sister, who is slightly offended that you haven’t denied the fact that she’s old.”

 

Tracy rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “ V... you've just come back from seeing your girlfriend, and now you have a sore wrist. It's okay. You  _ can _ tell me it's a sex injury. I'm not gonna recoil in horror. God knows how many times David put his back out while we were...a and how many times  _ I _ -”

 

“Do you want another brew?” She asks, eager to get off this particular topic, and getting up off the couch to go into the kitchen.

 

“You don’t need to be embarrassed. Everybody does it. I’m not asking for all the sordid details,  _ obviously _ . I’m actually impressed that you and Charity are at it enough for you to have a buggered wrist.” She sits back against the couch and sighs dreamily. “Quite proud too, actually. Although word to the wise, you might want to switch it up a bit while you’re on the mend. Strengthen your left hand a little… if you know what I mean?”

 

Vanessa hurtles a spoon into the sink, making Tracy startle and she whirls around on her sister. “Can you just put a sock in it? Not everything has to be about sex, alright? We’re not all living in some erotic novel where everyone’s at it like rabbits. Sometimes things are just boring. Sometimes people just trip and fall. And sometimes, just sometimes, people like some flaming peace and quiet.” She comes back to the couch with her full mug, setting it down on the table and flopping back down onto the couch, ignoring the hurt on Tracy’s face, and ignoring the fact that she has completely taken her guilt, and maybe even her anger about what happened to Charity all those years ago, out on her. She looks at her wearily. “So can we  _ please _ just turn the telly back on?”

 

But instead of doing what’s been asked of her, Tracy turns and studies her face. Vanessa tries to school it to a look of indifference, but she knows that it’s damn well betraying her, so she looks away, snatches up the remote and turns the tv back on, intent on ending this conversation right where it is. Tracy seems to have other plans though, and she plucks the remote out of her hands and turns it off again, keeping the controller out of reach.

 

“Oi!”

 

Tracy sighs. “Tell me the two of you haven’t had a blow out?”

 

“What?” Vanessa asks through a frown. “No. Don’t be daft.”

 

“Well you’ve been weird ever since I got back from choir. So something must’ve happened. Wait...” Tracy’s eyes widen as she looks back down to the injured wrist, and Vanessa’s stomach turns to ice as she realises the implication in Tracy’s eyes. “Did she-”

 

“No!” Vanessa is quick to jump in. “I know what you’re going to say, and  _ no _ .”

 

“Your eyes have gone to the left again!” Tracy lets out, her voice shrill, jumping up and pointing at her sister. And Vanessa closes her damn eyes in frustration.

 

“It’s not what you think,” Vanessa practically whispers, but Tracy is moving about the house. There’s a rustle of a jacket, and Vanessa is up off the couch like a shot and racing to the front door before her sister can get there first. “Trace -”

 

“Get out of the way Vanessa, I mean it. If you think I’m gonna let you stand here and _defend_ _her_ , _protect her_ -”

 

“You don’t understand-”

 

“There’s nothing to understand. You got into a row, obviously, and she hurt you. She  _ put her hands on you _ and she  _ hurt _ you. I’ll kill her.”

 

“ _ No _ , you  _ won’t _ ,” Vanessa tells her firmly, pulling rank on her little sister, and holding her hand out - her  _ left _ hand - to keep her at bay. “You’re going to  _ sit down _ and you’re going to listen,  _ really _ listen, alright?” Tracy doesn’t budge; in fact, the grip on her handbag becomes tighter and Vanessa can see her knuckles turning white. But she doesn’t try to push through or use the back door, and so Vanessa takes that a sign, a willingness to listen, because maybe, just maybe, Tracy doesn’t want what she’s thinking to be true. Taking a deep breath, Vanessa pushes on. “Okay. You saw her before she left yeah? She was upset, you told me to go after her. And you know about what she used to do, right? It’s just… It’s… All this stuff… It’s got her thinking about her past.” Her eyes well up as her mind flashes back to seeing Charity standing there so broken, so defenseless, so unlike  _ her _ Charity. She sniffles and carries on. “Charity decided she’d said enough, and I kept pushing. When she started to head back to the bar, I followed after her to get her to stay and keep talking. To open up more and I - I spooked her. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she turned and-”

 

“Shoved you?” Tracy challenges.

 

Sighing, Vanessa reaches out to take Tracy’s hand, leading them both back to the couch. She’s surprised that Tracy comes willingly and without a fight. “We were both midstep. I pushed her too far, and I was in more than my fair share of her personal space. It wasn’t a  _ shove _ . And while it might’ve been her intention to get me to move away from her, it was not her intention to hurt me, and I really believe that. She pushed at my shoulders and I lost my balance. And when I did fall, I fell at an awkward angle. She helped me up. Apologised repeatedly. Wrapped it up, and apologised some more.”

 

Tracy scoffs. “Yeah, well they all do that, don’t they? Apologise. Swear it’ll never happen again.”  
  
“Don’t you _dare_ put Charity into the same category as -”

 

“As what? An abuser? She put her hands on you, ‘Ness,” Tracy tells her, low and measured.

 

Vanessa shakes her head, trying to get her sister to see without breaking Charity’s confidence. Again. “Tracy, I work with animals who’ve pushed me harder than that. I spend all day getting shunted about by cows and sheep… Or I used to, anyway. I was just caught off balance.” She sighs when Tracy gives her nothing. “You trust me, don’t you?” A reluctant, but small nod. “Well, trust me when I tell you that Charity did not mean to hurt me. It was just a freak accident.” When Tracy says nothing, Vanessa sighs. “Okay, Miss Psychopath Reader. How many times did my eyes move to the left when I was telling you all that?”

 

Tracy looks at her sister,  _ really _ looks at her and Vanessa finds herself uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Finally she sighs and lets herself fall back onto the couch, crossing her arms over her chest. “None,” she mumbles.

 

Vanessa sighs too, out of relief, and reaches out with her good hand to take Tracy’s into her own. “None,” she repeats. “Because  _ that’s _ the truth of it.” Or as much of the truth as she can give to Tracy right now.

 

“So why lie in the first place?”

 

“Because I knew you’d go off half-cocked!”

 

“Do you blame me?”

 

“No,” Vanessa admits grudgingly through a sigh. “No I don’t. Because I know how it looks, and I know that if it were you sitting here with a bandage on your wrist because of something David had done, I’d have gone off to kill him too.”

 

“You’re my sister, ‘Ness. If anything happened to you -”

 

“I know,” Vanessa whispers, taking Tracy into her arms and holding on to her. God, does she know. How is she supposed to keep her sister away from this horrendous excuse of a man without telling her anything so she doesn’t break Charity’s trust? How is she supposed to protect her and expect Tracy to just accept it without knowing all of the facts?

 

“I need to protect you.”

 

Normally she’d protest. She’s Vanessa bloody Woodfield. She doesn’t need protecting; she can damn well look after herself and has done just fine in doing exactly that. But she’s acutely aware of the fact that she’s about to step into a role that only she and Charity know about that involves protecting  _ Tracy _ , and Tracy is every bit as stubborn as her. And then there’s Charity. Another stubborn idiot who thinks no one will protect her, because no one ever has. This is not going to be an easy fight. So she whispers, “I know. And I need to protect you too, yeah?” That’s cutting it close, and she knows it. She presses her lips together to keep herself from saying anything further. She feels a nod against her shoulder “Since I’m the big sister, after all.”

 

“How can you be big when you’re so tiny?”

 

And Vanessa actually laughs, welcoming the light-heartedness coming off the back of such a heavy conversation, and letting Tracy go. They sit in silence for a short while, but Vanessa can feel eyes on her. So she appeases and turns, looking into dark blue eyes.

 

“You really like her, don’t you?”

 

“I do,” Vanessa replies, nodding. “I like her a lot.”

 

“Yeah, well, she’s not  _ quite _ as bad as I thought,” she admits reluctantly. “But just remind her that where there’s a big sister, there’s also a younger, crazier one behind them. And if she touches you again, sorry or not, I’ll have her.”

 

Instead of becoming defensive - she knows Tracy’s heart is in the right place - Vanessa smiles and rolls her eyes. “I’ll tell her,” she says. “She’ll be shaking in her boots at the thought, I’m sure.” 

 

“She better be,” Tracy mumbles, reaching around for the remote and switching the telly back on.

 

Tucking her feet under her body, Vanessa stares blankly at whatever it is that seems to be blaring back at them. Hard as it was, this conversation has managed to keep her mind off what’s to come tomorrow. But now, despite the tv being on, the worry creeps back in and she knows it will be a sleepless night as she thinks about all the way tomorrow can, and most likely will, go wrong. But she might be able to change that if Charity isn’t on the back foot. So, she fishes her phone out of her pocket and sends a quick text out. 

 

_ I need to talk to you x _


End file.
